Untitled Thoughts- 05/01/17

I’m over thinking again, as I always do.

My attempt to open up and express my feelings always end in contradicting babble. No conclusions, more confusion.

Yet here I am attempting it again, putting myself back through a process I never liked.

Thoughts of opening up run back and forth causing a heavy fog over my thoughts limiting how coherent I am.

The constant judgement and possible conclusions cross my mind, some of them true others not, yet I shy away from your reaction to my thoughts fearful of rejection. There’s no point.

The conclusion, I’m damaged and that’s not good enough right now.

 

Validation

Am I going to be forced to deal with the hands I’m dealt? Or am I the dealer and the player, choosing to live with the choices that I have made and continue to make?

So caught up in the thoughts of others that my own thoughts of myself become insignificant. From self assured to self loathing, in a matter of months. Self esteem shattered through the action of others.

When did I lose myself in the thoughts of others?