Loneliness and Solitude, very different yet seem to come hand in hand.
Lately I’ve been feeling lonely, surrounded by people who love and care for me. Yet still lonely. Again, present but not really here.
Perhaps depression really is contagious, an air borne disease of the mind set to consume us as a generation before anything else can.
But who’s to say I’m depressed when I’m not really sad just isolated, isolated within the boundaries of my thoughts. My inability to express myself crippling me.
Comments like “don’t overthink” do nothing but frustrate me further, if it was that easy would it not have already been done?
Unfinished but enough for now.
I’m over thinking again, as I always do.
My attempt to open up and express my feelings always end in contradicting babble. No conclusions, more confusion.
Yet here I am attempting it again, putting myself back through a process I never liked.
Thoughts of opening up run back and forth causing a heavy fog over my thoughts limiting how coherent I am.
The constant judgement and possible conclusions cross my mind, some of them true others not, yet I shy away from your reaction to my thoughts fearful of rejection. There’s no point.
The conclusion, I’m damaged and that’s not good enough right now.
More problems, less solutions. The only outcomes of overthinking.
I once read that the mind causes its own problems so it could solve them. Something along those lines anyway and perhaps it’s true. Little things that could be let go, minor moments that didn’t feel right but could be discarded, held.
I have a confession, I overheard something I didn’t like. Might have been a joke, might have been serious, probably misheard. Yet it brought about so many questions in my mind. Questions that I am sure you could see displayed on my face, yet ignored. Not the time or place? Perhaps.
Too soon for those kinds of conversations? Prematurely over stepping my boundaries?
Jealous? Yes. Irrational? No,
So I’ll keep quiet, play what feels like a game, wait for you to address the moment. Let it result in a thousand more questions that are forced to stay bound within the borders of my mind.